I want to be in a place where my dreams can come true, however much they change. I want to be able to speak freely as if the world would accept me, and I could accept them. I want to explore and be creative. I want to inspire and entertain. I want to start my sentences the same way. Last but not least, I want to be free of any insecurities and boundaries, and just live, limitless
I feel much better :)
Job applications, summer programs, theatre, friends, sleep, food
I CAN HAVE IT ALL!
or maybe I can’t. Plus I have Auditions and AP tests coming up soon.
I am kicking my self out of the house to go apply for jobs.
Obama (via farmore)
Hey friends!! Thank you for the feedback on my essay :) I really appreciate it! I might even write some more in the not so distant future
Here’s my essay:
The Time I One-Upped the Girl Scouts
The Girl Scouts of America is known for promoting the next generation of young girls to be adventurous, smart, caring, and brave. In reality, I find they are vicious monsters who make me feel guilty when I tell them for the millionth time that I don’t want any more Thin Mints, but thanks anyway. Their disappointment tugs on my heart strings in the same manner that the ASPCA commercials force me to either change the channel or turn the TV on mute and look away. I will not tolerate the shame I feel every time I try to go to a store to buy pens. Well played, Girl Scouts of America.
I want to defend myself from those doorbell-ringing six year old entrepreneurs by saying that I truly admire what the Girl Scouts are attempting to do for young women. As a young person of the feminine persuasion, I find that any institution that prompts girls to do things other than twirl their hair is one to be commended. Even I was forced against my will to participate in the Girl Scout franchise. To this day, I believe that the only reason I was enlisted in this labor was so that my parents could not only keep me from bugging them, but also get access to a supply of Thin Mints and those cookies with the peanut butter.
My experience as a girl scout was not the one I expected. I was lead on to believe that being a girl scout meant I was going to finally get some real deal friends. I was/am kind of a weird child with a vivid imagination and the ability to play with the boys. The girls did not like me. I was not a cute kid; in fact I was rather ugly. It’s okay because I still don’t give a shit. If I wear my contacts rather than glasses, I can’t recognize myself in the mirror. I never have, nor will, brush my hair on a daily basis. It’s okay. I am a smart person, so I manage. The fact that I only have bad memories from Girl Scouts is the reason that if I have a child (which is a pretty big If) I will not allow him/her join any sort of scouts. I will take him/her camping on my own if I have to.
One summer, I attended a Girl Scout Day Camp in Beaver, West Virginia. Beaver, West Virginia is in the middle of no where, close to another small town, Beckley. Going to the lake in Beaver is basically like going to the forest. Your cries cannot be heard by anyone because you are in the middle of no- whereville. I did not want to go to this camp. I proved to be terrible at every task the ladies encouraged me to do: Fishing-hooked a girl in the face and a fish through its eye; Canoeing-canoe tipped over because I couldn’t row fast enough; Archery-no arm strength to pull back the string far enough; T-shirt making-No artistic abilities; I digress.
This camp was miserable. My ability to hold my bladder urges for almost 8 hours (which is highly unhealthy) traces back to the fact that the only options to relieve oneself at this hell hole was a port-o-potty or a park restroom that bears probably used. They made us recite mottos and walk in an orderly fashion, similar to Hitler and the Nazis. All of the activities seemed to make everyone else flourish into the epitome of a girl scout while I trundled behind, slightly out of the frame of the promotional flyers.
I seemed to be floundering. This girl who excelled at reading, writing, piano, ballet, and telling stories was unable to draw pictures of flowers and clouds. She couldn’t eat her s’mores neatly, recite the Girl Scout pledge, run quickly enough to win Red Rover-she was a failure. And then she finally got some of her own back.
Toward the end of the experience, one of the troop leader’s friends stopped by. I don’t remember much about this lady, other than the fact that she was older, and much nicer than the leader. What made her so nice, you ask? She carried with her, a pack of gum. I was never allowed to chew gum for some unknown reason, so whenever I was slipped a piece of gum by my grandfather, or really anyone for that matter, the donor became my role model. The lady gave each of us a piece of this bright yellow gum, which was minty (or fruity, I can’t recall) and we were instructed to sit on the bench and chew it quietly and with our mouths closed. The leader and this lady would be back shortly after, what I presumed to be, a short smoke break. The gum was disgustingly soft and abnormally sticky. I didn’t like it, so I took it out of my mouth. I looked around for a trash can, but the nearest one was across this large field. Since I was instructed not to get up, I knew that running over there would be breaking the rules.
What was I going to do? I knew the right thing was to throw the gum away, but in this case it was also the wrong thing to do. I was conflicted, and the gum was becoming stickier and gummier the longer I held it between my small fingers. I made my decision. I looked around the vicinity to see if the ladies were returning. They weren’t. I reached down under the bench where I sat, and I hastily tried to scrape the sticky goop off of my fingers and onto the bench. Freedom.
Moments later, the ladies returned and we were allowed to get up to do what was probably another humiliating exercise where the girls did perfect back flips while I did mediocre cartwheels. And then it happened.
”Who stuck their gum on this bench!!!!????” shrieked the troop leader.
Silence. No one confessed or made a sound, primarily because I stuck it under there so stealthily no one noticed it.
“We will not continue with our [stupid] activities until someone confesses!”
The leader then proceeded to line us up and ask each girl one at a time, while maintaining eye contact, if she stuck her gum on the bench. Each girl denied it, which made the lady angrier, but who could blame the girls since none of them committed the felony. I got sweaty. I knew what the correct thing for me to do was, but I have this reputation for not being a rule breaker. And anyways, I didn’t stick my gum under there with the intent to break a rule. The lady finally got to me. Gingerly she asked,
“Jennifer, did you stick the gum under the bench?”
Nothing. I said nothing.
“You won’t be in trouble, I just want to know”
Disgusting. I hate when adults say this. Of course I’m in trouble. You will scold and berate me until I am pleading for mercy and acceptance amongst you perfect archers!
And then I proceeded to give my crowning theatrical performance to date where I just cried hysterically. Props to me, I neither lied nor admitted to the crime which means I am the perfect witness. Crying terrifies everyone. No matter how old someone is, if someone is crying, and that person is not someone’s offspring, the crying person has leverage. Keep in mind, this approach needs to be used sparingly, and this situation called for it. My reputation was on the line, and I was already hated by the Girl Scouts. Crying was the only way to keep my record pristine and gain the attention of my peers.
I smile at this now. Today I am proud to say that I do that little girl homage with the ability to act very confused when someone brings up one of my not so shining moments. However, I would never dream of pulling a sham like this today. I never spit my gum out on the ground; in fact I rarely chew gum anymore unless it is cinnamon.
I will say that this incident did not help me gain friends. Frankly, I have never cared enough to make tons of friends. When I was a kid, making friends involved pretending to be interested in princesses, cheerleading, and following the leader. Girl Scouts is not for everyone. I know plenty of people who greatly benefited from Girl Scouts, so I in no way intend to discourage others from joining this association. It wasn’t for me because I am too stubborn for my own good. Since I wasn’t good at the things that the Girl Scouts were, I was deemed unfit to be a leader. Some girls find their voice in Girl Scouts, I lost mine. I have not found a club that is universally compatible with everyone’s personality, and that is okay. Diversity is a good thing, remember? My experience with Girl Scouts was humiliating, but atleast I know that I kept a piece of my dignity and it is probably still stuck to the bottom of that park bench.
My point is this: There is no one ‘correct’ way to become an adventurous, smart, caring, brave girl. You have to try many different things. You won’t fit in everywhere. You won’t always excel. Sometimes you have to sacrifice your pride to do the right thing. I promise you will find your niche. Growing up is hard to do, but that little child inside you will find its way. That is the real adventure. Grow into yourself, and as the Girl Scouts always say, “Leave every place better than you found it”.
Kudos to you if you read it! I would love feedback!
My new hobbies:
Also, I’m writing essays because I feel like it.
I made a wattpad… To post my essays on…
I viewed a documentary today.
1. Favourite childhood book: The Wind in the Willows
2. What are you reading right now? Les Miserables
3. What books do you have on request at the library? Under the Tuscan Sun
4. Bad book habit: Dog Earing (aka, folding down the corner of a page)
5. What do you currently have checked out at the library? Nothing :(
6. Do you have an e-reader? No. I like Dog Earing.
7. Do you prefer to read one book at a time, or several at once? I try to read one at a time, but inevitably I end up reading 5 at a time
8. Have your reading habits changed since starting a blog? Nope
9.Least favourite book you read this year: Catcher in the Rye. Not as scandalous as I was lead to believe
10. Favourite book I’ve read this year: The Fault in Our Stars (I got suckered into reading it)
11. How often do you read out of your comfort zone? I don’t really have a comfort zone when it comes to books. SO often I suppose
12. What is your reading comfort zone? Again, don’t really have one
13. Can you read on the bus? No. Too sketchy
14. Favourite place to read: My bed with a cup of tea late at night
15. What’s your policy on book lending? Don’t lose it or drop it in mud.
16. Do you dogear your books? Yes.
17. Do you write notes in the margins of your books? Nope, but I think I will start doing that
18. Do you break/crack the spine of your books? Never. How dare you.
19. What is your favourite language to read? English. The only language I know
20. What makes you love a book? There is creativity with realism.
21. What will inspire you to recommend a book? If the book has taught me something, or has taken me to new states of mind
22. Favourite genre: realistic fiction
23. Genre you rarely read (but wish you did): Non fiction
24. Favourite Biography: Bossypants by Tina Fey
25. Have you ever read a self-help book? (And, was it actually helpful?) Does Eat Pray Love count?
26. Favourite Cookbook: Any of the Moosewood Restaraunt cookbooks
27. Most inspirational book you’ve read this year (fiction or non-fiction): Eat Pray Love
28. Favourite reading snack: Tea With
(Jam and Bread) buttered toast
29. Name a case in which hype ruined your reading experience: My Sister’s Keeper
30. How often do you agree with the critics about about a book? Never
31. How do you feel about giving bad/negative reviews?I don’t really think about it
32. If you could read in a foreign language, which language would you choose? French
33. Most intimidating book I’ve read: When I started Jane Eyre (a long time ago) it was pretty intimidating just because of length.
34. Most intimidating book I’m too nervous to begin: Don Quixote
35. Favourite Poet: Sylvia Plath
36. How many books do you usually have checked out from the library at any given time? 4-5
37. How often do you return books to the library unread? None
38. Favourite fictional character: Little Bee
39. Favourite fictional villain:Not sure, ask me latter
40. Books I’m most likely to bring on vacation: Travel Books. That’s right.
41. The longest I’ve gone without reading: Not very long
42. Name a book you could/would not finish: A tale of Two Cities
43. What distracts you easily when you’re reading? If the television volume is too loud. If the book sucks.
44. Favourite film adaptation of a novel: The Bridges of Madison County, The Hours, Sophie’s Choice (All of these movies have Meryl Streep)
45. Most disappointing film adaptation: Eragon. Seriously.
46. Most money I’ve ever spent in a bookstore at one time: 100 Dollars
47. How often do you skim a book before reading it? 70%
48. What would cause you to stop reading a book halfway through? If there is a plot twist that is overly dramatic, or if I run out of time
49. Do you like to keep your books organized? Only if they are books I probably will not read again…
50. Do you prefer to keep books or give them away once they’ve been read? If the book was life changing, I sign it and keep it. If not, I pass it on.
51. Are there any books that you’ve been avoiding? Yes.
52. Name a book that made you angry: The Glass House. It was good, just not what I expected
53. A book I didn’t expect to like but did: The Fault in Our Stars, Orlando by Virginia Woolf, The Giver, Grapes of Wrath
54. A book I expected to like but didn’t: Ella Minnow Pea
55. Favourite guilt-free guilty pleasure reading:The Bell Jar (for the millionth time) You’re not You by Michelle Wildgen
I was arguing against other girls.
And I was superior.
With of course my friend Jasmin.
You’re welcome feminists.